August 22nd 2013

Great King, who Was, Is, and Shall be...
It's been one of those days. You know, because You've been watching. Like you always do. Well, between getting over a cold, getting lost this morning, and how the normal work day stress, I came home today very, very, emotionally tired. Today was one of those days where I felt untalented, ungifted, and like I can't do anything right. Mom often says You make everyone perfect for their purpose in life, that You, the Great Potter, will use me to your will.

But how? And when? I'm almost 18 now, and I feel like adulthood is looming over me. I know what I want to do with my life, but I don't know what you want me to do with my life. People always say that You'll take lives in directions they never thought they'd go. Is that what You want for me? Or am I to have a normal life? Because normal isn't really my thing. I want to be out there! I want to join a protect and scream at congressmen. I wan to write a bestseller and amaze the world by giving the funds back to You. I want to raise a family as big as the Duggars, and share Your story as they have. But that's what I want.

Yahweh, I know that You have turned water to wine and that You have given the blind sight. But there are days where I think that those must have been so easy compared to leading me. I am such a pig-headed diva! I don't listen, I always want to be in charge, and I'll get lost in the woods before asking anyone for help. What use could Your kingdom have for me?

Luke 14:33 says" In the same way, those of you who do not give up everything you have cannot be my disciples." Lord I want to be one who is willing to give up everything for you, but more often I am the man who built his house on sand. Sure sand looks nicer that a big, old, boulder. And yes, I'd love to bring my friends in to show them my castle on the beach. But this isn't about my will. It's Yours. help me to not care what you give me, Lord. As long as I am my foundation is on Your rock, I'll try to follow joyfully. And with your help, I will. 
Your submissive servant-
Moriah.